Bahagiakah?

 Are you happy?

With this fame, do you feel proud of yourself?

Do you find it exciting and happy to be recognized like this?

When actually the most important thing is how you work your ass off

What exactly that I need to gain what I want?

What exactly the thing that I should do so I can be a good leader?

Mom was right, once you are arrogant.. it won't be good for you

I can't do everything by myself, I need my friends

But what am I supposed to do actually?

I tried but, it's still not that good enough

I just feel proud of nothing? Do I really feel that way?

But, why de?


There's no such a thing like guidance from your senior

Just because you never asked, they thought that we were okay

When actually we don't

We just don't know how to tell them

I wanted to tell them that we are blind in direction

This house is not that stable, if you don't leave it without a good foundation

Please, guide us.. we're just wondering and have no idea about all of this

Being a leader is difficult

Why do I take this place? When I'm not good enough

But, who else will continue this if it wasn't me?

That thought just going around my head for a long time


Now that people see me, I feel insecure instead

Because I'm not good enough

Because there'll be always somebody that is better than me

Because I don't really have a good teamwork, maybe?

Yes, we do have the same vision and mission

But, the bonding is fragile, like harry potter said

We just don't have enough time to talk 

The culture is not toxic, and yet not good either

It was just too.. plain

There's like no flavour that I taste

Especially when it comes to something that needed response


Now I'm wondering.. being the leader of this organization

Even from the first time I'm being a freshmen

It;s a good opportunity, I know

And I do have a lot of consideration so that I finally ended up here

But does this make me happy?

Does this make me a more motivated person?

Because the atmosphere doesn't really supportive, I think everything feels plain

No flavor, no feel. just like I've said before


But.

I should not be like this

My friends, my sisters and brother believe in me

I have this condition, so it means that I actually able to handle it

I actually able to manage all of this

Making everything work like how it should be

You've got this far, de

It's about to end

Two months and even less from that

You just have to maximize your potential

You just have to maximize you struggle

You just have to do this

Don't think about it too much

Just do it


Your friends, you believe in them, don't you?

So please continue to believe them

They are amazing, I don't know what word that could describe them

They are.. incredible. In the middle of this pandemic, we still going through

It's not easy, I know. But this doesn't mean you can't do that

I know you could

I believe in you


De.. keep working hard! 

While you are waiting this to end

Please work your ass off

So that one day you can remember this struggle with a smile

So that you can say "ah.. good old days. I miss them,"

So that you can tell this story with you being so proud of your team


Ace, I love you

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