When a special day went 'meh'

Birthday means special day, they said

Birthday means another year to celebrate

Birthday means you survived another year 

Birthday means you can just set anything you want to do on that day

So I did; making plans to make myself feel special, at least on that single day

But actually, nothing really special happened on that day

I just went for another hours in the library, gradually completing my revision

But I met some friends and I'm grateful at least I'm not alone

Small progress still a progress, right? So there I was, doing my routine

It's nice to have some friends around you; to discuss, or rumble, or just throw some dumb jokes at each other (I hope they're not bored of them yet lol) 

Because we're all in this together, even tho each of us are indeed on different stages

Having them keeps you sane on your days


So I did receive happy birthdays, kind wishes etc, which I'm so grateful for

But as we know, sometimes being an adult is not having things as exciting as they're used to before; when we were a kid

Me just living another day, aren't I? 

Maybe I didn't dive in very deep, maybe actually I need to have my quiet time myself, to process all those 23 years I've spent alive

As I'm done with library-thingy, I took myself on a date

With the one and only; my dearest self

Because I wanted to buy some things at mr diy (oops, tmi). Wait, no, I needed to

Some tools to help me daily, but guess what? 

I found nothing suitable for what I thought would be things I'll buy


But because this girl over here is not a quitter, she decided to have another round to check those things

She didn't find it, still. But she tried another round again

And finally she gave up, went out of the store and just sit for awhile, thinking

I wanted to buy things to make me happy on my special day, but why can't I find them? She thought

She did found some cute things inside, but she knew it's not what she wanted or needed

And there she was, finally just bought some water, drank them, and decided to go home

It was almost maghrib and she got to be at home


(Okay, back to the first person pov) 

As I walked into the parking lot, I got a lot of thought

Why can't I get what I want so that I would be happy? I feel a lil sad because I called it a date-a self date of course-but I didn't enjoyed it

Date should be exciting, fun and makes you happy, isn't it? 

I sighed in little disappointed

But then I heard a small voice in my head, which seems to see the bright side

I know you can't find the things that you wanted, buy you know what? I learned some things about myself by going around back an forth inside 


I learned that I don't like to buy thing impulsively, I just bought things I planned to buy (financial-wise, I'm trying to be mindful) 

I learned that once I've bought something, it should stick with me for a long time. In other word, I like things that can't be broken too easily

They said buy cheap equals buy twice, so I tried to choose things that are 'awet'

And I learned that if I got something not too suitable for my likings, I tend to not use it quite frequently. So to avoid that, I try to not buy it in the first place, because I would think that it's such a waste

I learned that buying things doesn't always give you happiness, because there I was; frustrated cause I couldn't find what I wanted, lol

So as I arrived at the parking lot, I wasn't that disappointed

That special day date, even tho didn't make me fulfilled, but I learned

It's fascinating to know more about yourself, isn't it? 

So it's a win win for me, and I don't need to worry


I'm 23, and what life is preparing for me? 

I'm thrilled to walk on my journey ahead

Barakallaahu fii umrik, dea

Good luck for your life as an adult 

Be kind and loving, always

Thank you for being alive! 


A glimpse of 8/5/23



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